Becoming Me

Hey friends!

It has been far too long since I last posted about my stay in Japan. Alot has happened since January, and I have alot to tell. I am sorry if this post drags on for a while, but please read through to the end!

I began my second semester about three weeks ago now. So far, it is proving to be much more enjoyable than the previous one. Last time, I took many classes that were very tedious, and were basically just sitting in a class room, and not learning very much. This term, the class options are much more activity orientated. I am taking Japanese 2, which will be better for me because it shouldn't be a repeat of what I learned previously. The Study of Japan, which involves field trips around our region. Last week, we went to Bizen, famous for its pottery, and made our own dishes! Also, we saw the oldest public school in Japan. It is no longer in use, but was interesting to see a little of Japanese origins. I am in a class called "The Intangible Heritage of Japan". In this class, we are learning through hands on experiences. We are currently making Japanese pottery, and will also make our own chopsticks in a wood shop type setting, and learn to play the very famous Taiko drum. Finally, I am taking "The Political Economy of Modern Japan". This class may seem a bit boring, but I assure you that it is full of interesting facts. So far, we have studied how the Japanese overcame the economic collapse after WWII, and also during the 1970's with the fuel shortage scare. In full, we will basically find how Japan went from an under developed country before the war, to one of the worlds major economic powers in the current day. I am very excited to see these classes through to the end.


Grievances and Troubles

I explained in an earlier post, that the foreigners here in Japan have a very tough time with many aspects of life. I have found myself being part of the most extreme minority that Japan has; white people. First and foremost, I have never been in a minority situation before this, and for a long time, I wasn't quite sure how to deal with and overcome it. The country is nearly 98% Japanese, and out of the remaining 2%, about .01% of the people living here are white. The rest of that small portion is mostly other Asians. For westerners in general, but specifically Americans, this is a very hard fact. Let me explain. I was raised, much like most American kids, with the idea that it is fine to be different, and in mot circumstances, difference is wanted. Our country is made up of countless cultures, and with that brings countless traditions and ways of life. This makes our great nation very diverse, and makes an "American Culture" very hard to pin point. In Japan, with everyone being Japanese, the culture has been left almost unchanged for a very long time. Built into their culture, is the idea that difference is unwanted, and that the herd should be followed; very closely. This is an issue that aches at me everyday.

The idea of no difference within the culture brings smaller issues for me as well. Its very hard to make friends first off. After 7 months, still I have just one good friend that invites me to do things and treats me as an equal. I am usually with other foreigners, who accept each other, and it is somewhat ruining the mental image that I had before arriving here, of never being with foreigners to make the best of my experience. In some ways, it is making me dislike the Japanese people, which I don't like say.

Leading directly from the point of not having Japanese friends, brings up the fact that my language level is still disgustingly low. 7 months, and still, I can't hold a conversation. I know how to speak, and I can understand a great amount of what is said to me now, but when asked a question, I don't know what to say, and just stumble. I believe that this is due to not practicing. I know it seems obvious right?! "Just practice then"! But, it really isn't that simple. The Japanese take any chance to speak English they get, even if it's with someone here that speaks french or German, and always turn a conversation to English.

This may sound a bit blunt, but I suppose, due to being white, I have never encountered direct racism toward me. That is, until about a month ago. I really didn't see it coming. Not in Japan, not in a thousand years. The Japanese tend to be very kind, at least to your face. Recently, I have found that many of them wear a mask so to speak though, and are only polite due to cultural rules. Allow me to tell you a little story. I went to small town about 15 miles from where I live called Kurashiki. It has a very beautiful traditional district, made up of old style buildings and small irrigation streams. I went during the famous "Sakura viewing" (Cherry blossoms) time. As we walked out of the train station, we stopped to stand in the nice sun shine for a few moments. There was man and woman sitting on the benches behind us, maybe in their mid 40's. Once they noticed us standing there, the man started yelling all types of things at us. In Japanese of course. (Because we're white, most Japanese don't think we can understand even the smallest bit of Japanese. He was mistaken) He was yelling things like "Oh white people! HAHAHA!" "OH, Americans!!! HAHA" "Who do they think they are?!" This was said in a very nasty and hateful tone. Just as we decided we'd had enough, and began to walk away, he yelled one final remark. "AH, PERO-PERO!" I admit, I didn't know this word, but my handy-dandy electronic dictionary sure did. I looked it up and found that it means "to lick with the tongue". Usually used as a verb for eating something like an ice cream cone, or lolly pop, but this time, as I found from my friend later, meant "HEY! SUCK MY D**K!" That was my encounter with pure and direct racism.


It's Not All Bad!

Yes, like I said, it has been 7 months since I left the States. Seven months filled with downs, like you have read, and yet many ups as well. One thing I can say that I have enjoyed very much, is the learning and growing that has taken place within myself. I knew before leaving to not expect things to be the same as home. That would have been idiotic. I knew that I would change, but I guess I wasn't aware of how much. I have met people from all across the globe, and have become quite close to many of them. I know much about Asia, and the many cultures and ideas that come from this art of the world, as well as many more from Europe. I have spoken with Germans about WWII, and learned the other side that our text books at home would never teach us. I have learned Japan's perspective on the atomic bombing as well. I have learned how life is lived in the UK, and in France. I have talked with people from everywhere about their countries' feeling on the current war in the middle east, and how US citizens are seen through their eyes. In full, I can't say that I love Japan. But, if nothing else, I can say that I love who I am becoming here. I have become stronger through dealing with hardships, and more aware of the correct way to look at people that are different. One of the biggest milestones I have come across, and that I must remember each day is this - "It's not wrong, It's just different". It took me a long time to let that idea seep in, but now that it has, I can't see living without it. It makes me want to stop everything, and travel to every inch of the planet and learn all there is to know about other people.


Scared of Returning

This was an unforeseen part of going abroad for an entire year. I never anticipated being nervous to go back to my old life. Even though I want it bad, and I might leave today if given a free plane ticket, I didn't see it coming. There are a few reasons why I am worried. First, I have learned alot here like I said, but not only about the world. I have put in alot of work to learn the language here. Countless hours spent learning vocabulary, and memorizing very difficult Japanese characters. The language is written everywhere of course, which is a major part of being able to read and comprehend. Even just today I saw this sign - 外来者駐車場. I know you don't understand, so I would like to explain. 外 means 'outside', 来 means 'come', 者 means 'Person', and 駐車場 means 'Parking'. So, for the first time, I understood the sign because I recently learned some of the parts. Its means outside, come, person, parking right? So, it means "visitor parking". I won't have to chance to come to these meanings at home where there are no Kanji. It lights up my face each time I can understand something like this.

Secondly, I am afraid that people won't understand the things I have seen and learned which I talked about earlier. I will want to give great detail about many things, and a don't think people will have the patience to listen to a years worth of stories. (I hope you've had the patience to read all of this!) I am worried about seeing something very usual to people, like English written everywhere, and saying "OH! I CAN READ IT!" and having someone say, "Uh yeah, your in America now!" But, they just won't get it. Sometimes, I hear English in a song, or a TV program, I get super excited. It just doesn't happen all the time.

Thirdly, I have a very good group of friends at home. Some who have been with me for nearly 12 years now. I am worried to go home and have to relearn my friends interests, jokes, where they live, what their phone numbers have changed to, etc. I know that alot happens in the amount of time that I have been gone, and more will change for the rest of my stay.

Well, I guess I've made you read enough. Thank you very much for taking time away from your day for me! I love you guys! Three more months and I'll be home to see ya!